Category Archives: Travel

CHI Announces New Subsidiary: Apex Airways

Apex Airways Takes to the Skies
People on the ground check flight paths in terror

Cash Heavy Industries — now the third-largest global conglomerate of its type — is proud to announce its newest corporate venture, Apex Airways.

“Apex Airways is the global carrier that touches you personally,” said CHI’s vice-president of transport services, Lester Turow. “With Apex, CHI’s sinewy tentacles extend even further across the globe.”

Minot CentralApex Airways provides air travel across the world using its two centrally-located United States hubs. Its foreign codeshare and alliance partners provide the muscle to get Apex customers into those hard-to-reach places.

CHI investors will find much to like about the Apex philosophy. Apex is segmenting the market into tinier and tinier pieces. Apex just launched MiddleClass — a product that’s an instant hit with our aspirational customers. MiddleClass offers an all-middle seats product at a premium price. “Our ultimate goal with market segmentation is to offer a different, profitable price point for every single seat on the plane. We are also experimenting with segmenting individual seats, for those customers who do not need to purchase an entire seat,” said Turow. “Fractional seat ownership is the next great wave, and Apex Airways is surfing that wave right to the top!”

Another differentiator for Apex is its absence from staid, traditional airline organizations like Airlines for America (A4A), the IATA, the ICAO, the Federal Aviation Administration, the Internal Revenue Service, and others. Apex believes its customers appreciate its “regulation-light” approach to air travel. Why should customers pay for government services they do not use? Turow: “Spirit isn’t the only air carrier chafing at the strain of government regulation. But Apex is the only carrier that does something about it — passing the savings on to customers.”

Apex Airways aspires to be an “always-on” brand. You can reach Apex on all of its customer channels: the Apex Airways web site, @ApexAirways on Twitter, on Facebook as Apex Airways, or by using a Touch-Tone-compatible phone on its fully automated phone line, 844-400-APEX (2739).

So fly over to the new Apex Airways sites and learn where Apex will be taking you!

Certain forward-looking statements of Cash Heavy Industries may be present in this posting but this is to be expected as CHI never looks back. CHI bears no shame for its history. All that can be expected is the remorseless swing of the Grim Reaper’s scythe. CHI. CHI. CHI. It is inevitable.

CHI Suffers Data Breach

Customer Relationship Management system breached; CHI offers limited support to affected

Cash Heavy Industries discloses that systems belonging to a related company, on which some CHI data was stored, were breached at an on-shore facility.  Some personally-identifying information belonging to CHI employees and customers was released.  The affected system included records relating to Customer Relationship Management.

The breach occurred in February.  CHI could not report on this incident until its investigation had been completed.  The investigation revealed that an outside contractor, known to have a history of alcoholism, left a device containing CHI data unattended at a public marine terminal for a period of time.  While the device was unattended, it was accessed by person(s) unknown who made use of a common exploit based on social engineering.  That device was recovered and is being remotely wiped today.

CHI’s Chief Data Officer, 张伟, provided this statement: “We’re sorry that an outside contractor did not employ industry-standard data security practices.  CHI’s external relationships are being reevaluated for the security and safety of all our business partners.”

CHI will offer 8 months’ free credit and social media monitoring to any person affected by the breach.  Simply go to, scroll down to the picture of a cow fetus, double-click on it, enter RODEO11 as your coupon code, enter your SSN and Chase Preferred Visa number, expiration date, billing ZIP code, CVV2 code, and await processing.

Cash Heavy Industries maintains sophisticated algorithms.

CHI Re-Enters Rhode Island Market

CHI returns to Rhode Island for the first time since 2001

CHI recently reentered the Rhode Island market, a geographic sector CHI hasn’t targeted since 2001.  “The good people of these Rhode Island and Providence Plantations have not been forgotten,” commented CHI Chief Executive Officer Julie Anderton.  “This initiative is part of the Company’s efforts to grow its presence in New England.”

CHI cedes nothing easily.